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| Wednesday, January 11, 2006 |
| A full blown "rash" |
My "itch" to simplify and pare down has increased. I no longer just feel like it's something that would make life easier (though it most certainly will), I feel like it's part of a larger journey I'm starting on. Paring down my life is necessary for me to find out what's next. I'm feeling something of a call to poverty. Cutting the stuff isn't just about stuff. Reflecting on this over the past couple of days, I have realized just what kinds of emotional clutter is attatched to my stuff. In order to get the physical stuff out the door, I will be forced to deal with some long buried emotions. It's going to be a housecleaning like none I've ever undertaken. Of epic proportions you might say. A hard thing for a packrat to commit to.
The other half to this is that I must further learn to stop trying to control life. Over the past year, I have unlearned some bad habits about trying to plan and orchestrate life. I have learned how to live more in the immediate, let life happen to and around me, and worry less about the future. Not that the future isn't important, but if you focus on it as keenly as I once did, you find yourself missing out on the present (not really experiencing the journey). I find greater enjoyment and less disappointment when life is more by the seat of my pants.
This is all to say that I am a bit apprehensive (as an understatement), very nervous and scared, but my heart is in this. I tried putting it off, thinking if it wasn't to be then it would be a waning notion. The increase in urgency has told me otherwise. And until I can submit to a life less controlled and a life of less comfort, perhaps I cannot grow in the way I am intended to. Be still butterflies in my chest, be still. |
posted by Jen @ 9:28 PM   |
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| 2 Comments: |
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http://www.trinityfi.org/press/newyorker.html
Of course, this guy at least got enough education to put him in a position to serve God effectively (even if he didn't have the capacity to fully value the vocation of 'student' at the time). If you can best serve Him by not going to school (and instead??), great. But you might think about combining an educational 'equipping' of sorts alongside your aims of paring down, Ole Anthony Style.
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It is kind of terrible for me to think about going back to Boston. Because I am going to have to get rid of almost all of my stuff. And I have a lot. But I think it will be good. Anyway, I have few months to face up to it. But we don't really realize how much stuff really weighs us down do we?
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http://www.trinityfi.org/press/newyorker.html
Of course, this guy at least got enough education to put him in a position to serve God effectively (even if he didn't have the capacity to fully value the vocation of 'student' at the time). If you can best serve Him by not going to school (and instead??), great. But you might think about combining an educational 'equipping' of sorts alongside your aims of paring down, Ole Anthony Style.